THE NIGHT AND THE STREET LIGHT…..

…..and I never thought I would end up in this kind of a situation. The cycle of Life!!! I kept my forehead on the steering and I was feeling cold!!! The Light from the street light was piercing in to my eyes. I started thinking about a similar night which happened almost 2 years back in my life. It was a similar night and a similar street light…

TWO YEARS BACK….

The party was over by 1 AM. That was best party I had since a long time. The music, the dance, the girls, the spirit…everything kept on hanging around me. “Never get married…Bachelor life is the best part of your life” somebody had advised me during the party. I felt respect for that guy!!!

I, Neil Franco, would have been a dead duck, if I had married that girl, Diana, my so-called ex-girl friend. I had loved her more than my soul…but finally what happened almost destroyed me…she ditched me and walked off from my life…with another guy. Long 7 years since all those things happened!!! But, still under the high spirits of alcohol, I think about her. I wonder how terribly different my life would have been, if she were married to me now!!! Pathetic!!!

Now I am free like a bird. A party animal. A successful entrepreneur. I never get tensed about anything under the sun. I don’t care about this life at all. I don’t respect girls and I am thinking and talking to myself too much right now…What all stuff did I drink boss…?

I checked my watch again…time was 1:30 AM. Oh Good Jesus!!! What are you doing Neil?…You are sitting in your car and thinking about your ex-girl friend who ditched you and went away from your life seven years back and that too… for the last 30 minutes! Don’t you have any plans of going home? I was trying to puke out all her thoughts inside me…I was feeling sick, but it never came outside. It kept haunting me from inside!!! Drive the car Neil…Force it!!!

I started my car…my new Honda Jazz…”Why so serious ?” car. My new flat was a 30 minutes drive and I was in full throttle within 10 seconds…I turned off the A.C and pulled down my side wind shield. The air was so fresh and the night was so calm. The highway was like a desert and I was flying like an eagle…I kept flying and flying and flying….

I saw a beautiful flash of light, and then heard a loud thudding sound. Somebody had hit me, or at least I felt like, on my forehead and the next instant I felt the smell of blood in the air. Then I couldn't see or sense anything for sometime…I felt numb!!! A sharp high frequency sound was piercing my ears!!! I opened my eyes after sometime…and then I realized that, something very bad had happened to my car and me. I convinced myself that I was alive and all my body parts were still with me. I re-assured my self that both my hands were moving properly, and then I looked outside trying to comprehend what had just happened.

I then realized that…I had met with an accident. I saw another car in a very bad shape through my broken wind shield. I opened my door and stepped outside. The street light was bright enough and I saw somebody lying unconscious in the driving seat of that car!!! I was feeling sick…I knelt down in the road side and vomited…My legs became strength less and I could not stand. The smell of blood again surfaced in my senses and I checked my nose…It was badly bleeding. I checked my shirt, and it was wet with blood. I could not really grab how much I was hurt. I wished somebody would come that way to help me… I wished somebody would give me some water to drink.

Water…It was there inside my car in the rear seat. I crawled to my car and opened the rear door, took the bottle and drank some water. I lied down there for sometime…and after sometime I was feeling better. I drank some more water and got up on my feet. I checked the other car, and I could still vaguely see somebody lying in the front seat keeping his forehead on the steering…

I stepped back a few steps and imagined what just had happened…It was a head to head collision. I was in the wrong side and in full speed. Oh Shit!!! I never saw that car coming…A pain of guilt and fear suddenly started to itch inside my stomach. My heart started beating faster and I was feeling warm behind my ears…

“Would the other guy still be alive…?” was the first logical question which came to my mind after a long time. “How badly would he be hurt…?”. I started shivering, as I limped towards the other car.

It was a small car and the front bonnet was totally plunged inside…I really hoped to see that guy moving around, but he was motionless in his position. I reached near the driver's seat door and called out loud something awkwardly like- “Hello…”. Sound was not completely coming out from my throat…I felt dizzy!!!

“He is dying…” suddenly that thought came to my mind…I have to do something before it becomes too late. Why nobody is driving through this highway…I really wanted somebody to help me, but I realized that I was all alone.

The wind shield of the front door of that car was completely broken. I opened that door. My shivering hands touched him and I could see blood dripping down from the back of his head. I shook him gently and called out something to wake him up. He was still motionless. I feared the worst!!!

I held his head gently and pulled it back from the steering and rested it on the headrest of the driver’s seat. His complete face was painted with red blood. I could not make out where all he was wounded.

I limped back to my car, took the water bottle and came back. Another car went past in a lightning speed, and before I could cry out something to stop him, it vanished.

I poured water on his face and…took my kerchief and wiped his face. He was still unconscious, but I had a strange feeling that he was still alive. I thought of checking his pulse, but then I left it. I saw a wound on his forehead and it scared me like hell. I poured some more water on his face!!!

He slowly opened his eyes…or was I just hoping so? No…He really did!!!

Under the monochromatic light of neon street lamp, I saw his face clearly for the first time and I realized that I have seen him before in my life.

My mind rolled back seven years in just a fraction of a second. I started to feel sick again. My heart was going to break in to pieces. If I am not wrong and if my eyes are still working properly; if I am not totally hallucinated, and if I am not dreaming…then it is him!!! My Ex-Girlfriend’s Husband. Mr…..Mr…….Mr…Samuel or Sebastian. No!!!

Some name which starts with ‘S’. Oh God!!! I forgot his name!!!

But its him…I remember his face, even though he has changed a little bit!!!

He slightly opened his eyes and looked at me. Oh GOD!!! He is dying!!!

But is it really that guy?

I stepped back again and closed my eyes and shook my head intensely to get rid of everything which was running through my mind…But it dint help me a bit!!!

I opened my eyes again. I again had a close look at him…Is that him? The guy who ruined my life seven years back? The guy who took my girl away from my life forever? Is that the guy I felt like killing deliberately seven years back?

I was not sure…but I was almost convinced that it was him!!!

What should I do next… I started thinking, and then I felt that the night is going to be very long for me.

I don’t know why, but one part of my mind suddenly said to escape from the crime scene well before someone arrived at the place. Escape!!! Let him die or whatever!!!

Wait!!! What are you thinking Neil? Are you not a human being??? You drink, you drive fast and hit someone and take him almost till the death…and even if you still have a chance to save his life, you want to shamelessly escape from the crime scene!!! Pity!!!

Now…again…I have started thinking too much!!! What is happening???

My mind was divided exactly in to two halves. One part said to stay there and help him…to save his life. The other half, the cruel part, said to just escape, no matter who he is.

But what if he is not the person I am thinking about…ok. Then you verify it!!!

I opened the dashboard of his car and took his documents. It had a copy of driving license also. I took it and checked it.

Name: Salvia Paul.

“Salvia”…obviously it starts with a “S”…but, was it Salvia? I remember it to be Samuel or Sebastian…or I don’t exactly remember.

But, what difference was it going to make if it was him???

Then, I will leave him here, because he ruined my life, and I want to kill him.

But, did he really ruin your life?

Yes, he ruined my life…he took her away from my life.

How do you know…?It can be like she herself went away from your life.

But…anyway was he a part of it?

But have you really ever thought why she went away from your life?

Yes…because he came in to her life…

That’s not a great answer…there are many other guys, if not him, she would have gone with…You could not hold her close to your heart…that’s why she went.

No…I loved her very much, and I wanted her in my life…what else I could have done?

What else did he do for her, so that she went with him…?

I don’t know…

Yes…that is what I am saying…You don’t know many things. You don’t know the past itself clearly…also it's kind of obvious that you don’t know the present and the future.

You don’t know whether this is the so-called “ex-girlfriend’s husband” guy or not?

Even if it is him, you don’t know what kind of guy he is!

You don’t know whether she is still with him or not!

You don’t know whether they both are living happily or not!

It's not only about you…its about many other people associated and involved in this….

So…Go ahead and help him!!!

I stood there freezing…my brain was crushing itself from inside. I saw the other guy, Salvia, opening his eyes slightly and looking at me…

I never understood what his eyes were telling me…I stood in the chill air, under the street light, staring back at him…and I stood there for a long time…..

…and finally I felt that his eyes were saying to me that- “This is called life…Move on!!!”

I smiled back at him… took him to my car…and went to the nearest hospital!!

I was waiting outside the operation theatre and a nurse handed over his cell phone to me.

I checked the last dialed number, the name was: Diana!!

I called her.

She answered and was crying from the other side- “Hey, Salvy…where are you? Are you ok?….I have been trying for you for the last 4 hours…where are you dear…Salvy….Salvy….”

“Hello” I spoke

“Who is this…where is Salvy….?” She asked, I could feel that she was dissolving at the other side.

“Salvy met with an accident. I am his friend Neil. Please come to National Hospital immediately…”’

I don’t know why, but I started crying…and I cried from my heart after 7 years!!!

After 30 minutes, when she arrived I was standing in a remote corner, so that she could not see me!!!

But I saw her clearly…It was her… My Diana!!!

And…I saw a little baby girl sleeping on her shoulders.

I saw Diana crying for her husband…she came running towards the operation theatre…she was trying to hold her grief, but it always came out!!! She started yelling—“ I want to see Salvy….Salvy….I want to see him once…Is he alive…? Tell me please. Is he alive…oh God!!!”

Her loud cries kept reverberating in my ears and on that day I understood the importance of life…If not to ourselves, to many other people associated to us!!! Our parents, our friends, our family…all!!!

I realized  how much she loved him. Seven years back…She never ditched me…I was just, not the right person for her…that’s all!!

All I know is that they are living very happily ever since....

The present day……

…..and I never thought I would end up in this kind of a situation. The cycle of Life!!!

I could not move. My complete body was numb!!! I could not open my eyes…I felt somebody opening the door and standing near me…Then a splash of water was on my face. I wanted to drink water!!!

An accident…again in my life!!! And this time it was me at the other end!!!

I slowly opened my eyes…I could not see anything clearly even though the street light was very bright. A similar Night and a similar street Light!!!

I saw somebody staring at me. I saw somebody standing outside the door and thinking a lot. I saw somebody coming to the other front door and opening the dash board, and taking the documents. Somebody took the driving license and checked my name. I just could not see the face, I concentrated on that face and finally I saw…

…and then I saw her. She was beautiful, but she was crying. Her face was pale and looking frightened. Am I dreaming or am I dead?

I was neither dreaming nor dead. She opened the door and looked at me and suddenly I felt better.

“…Am I dead…?” I somehow managed to ask.

I could see surprise and an expression of relief on her face.

“You are not…and you will not…”

“I will not…?”

“Ah…I mean…not today due to this….uh….”

“Oh..Nice..to hear that……uh…hmm…Are you dead….?”

Then I saw a laugh from her heart…and I wanted to tell her that, it was a similar night 2 years back which made me a better person. I wanted to tell her that-“I am getting a feeling that this day again is going to change my life a lot….”

Then I thought that I will tell her after sometime, because…..

The night was still cold and the street light was still bright!!!

THE DEPPRESIONIST

Depression. That is what they call my mental disorder. To be more specific, teenage depression.
My age is 19, And including yesterday's, it was the seventh time I consulted a psychiatrist in the last 8 months or so. I don’t understand why my father insists to consult a doctor again and again. He always gives me the same speech and prescribes me the same medicines. One thing which worries my father, according to him, is that I am not able to concentrate on my studies. In fact, I was not able to concentrate on anything. I never felt the need of giving concentration to anything. Without that also I have lived for long 19 years. To be frank, I don’t feel like living this boring life also…I mean, I am not able to enjoy anything.
“That…exactly is the primary symptom of depression”, was what my doctor said when I told the same to him .
“Try to find the beauty of life…Don't try to be a machine, which does the same thing everyday…Don’t try to think about complicated things like why we are born? Why we die? Why we live our lives with lots of struggle? and all. Try to be simpler”…He had told me yesterday. I kept keenly listening to him and pretended to give him a feeling that he is doing an entirely good job. At least he was satisfied with his so-called “speech”.
Now I am sitting in the railway station, waiting for my train which should have reached here 2 hours ago, if it were on time. I am a first semester B.tech student and my college is in Bangalore. Time is now 9:00 PM. It will take at least 1 more hour for the train to reach here. I will continue sitting on this platform bench….what to do? I wonder what people do for killing time during this kind of situation…Is this, the life which I need to enjoy..? “Beauty of life”- Pathetic. If I had my doctor now in my proximity, I would have slapped him at least five times.
I continued sitting there on the same bench…I started observing people, just to know how they kill their time, or may be because my doctor had told me yesterday to do so. I saw some people sitting and reading books. May be their doctors have asked them to do so…Otherwise, I don’t have a reason for why people read books to kill their time!!!
I saw some of the guys of my same age sitting with girls and happily killing time talking with them…Some of them would be friends and some of them would be in love…But, I dint have any one…I always wanted to have a girl friend…I never had an opportunity to have one.
“Do you have a girl friend…?” My doctor had asked me Yesterday.
“No” I told.
“Why?” He asked…and I had kept silence…I dint know the answer…
May be I should have one!!!
“All your problems will be sorted out, if you have a girl friend...Belive me!!!” Yesterday he had told, and today I am repeating those words myself.
But how to get a girl for me? But how to…..?
I closed my eyes…started thinking about it…Anyone…Anyone is ok…But I dint know many…I learned in a “boys only” school and college.
A thought..to be more specific, a weird idea came to my mind…
“The next girl I see when I open my eyes will be my girl friend.”
I slowly opened my eyes… oh god……!!!
I saw a girl walking towards my seat…she was wearing a white top and blue skirt…She had a small vanity bag in her right hand. She was pulling a trolley bag, which seemed very heavy for her!!! She was slim and slender…her black hair, which was flowing over her beautiful eyes, was disturbing her vision. Both her hands were occupied and so it was difficult for her to arrange her hair properly. It disturbed her more, but I loved it…
At that moment, I decided. She is my girl !!!
She came and sat on the other end of the bench…She kept the trolley bag on the floor and the small bag on her lap…I noticed a small smile on her face. I started to have a sweet pain inside my stomach…
I wanted to talk to her, but I was sure, sound will not come out of me…So I kept silent!!!
She took her mobile phone from her bag. She flip opened it and called someone.
“Hello Dad…I reached the station…Train is still late. Another half an hour…”
Her voice was so sweet…and I wanted to hear it more and more…
I felt a drop of sweat on my face…What’s happening to me..???
Is she traveling in the same train as mine?
I kept watching her through the corner of my eye…Half an hour passed.

The announcement came that my train is reaching the station!!!
She became concerned and stood up on her feet. I sat there.
She moved near the track and stood there…Thank god!!! She is traveling in the same train!!!
After some time, when the train reached the platform, I stood up. A huge crowd came out of the train and then she got inside…With much difficulty she pulled her trolley bag inside. S7…that was her compartment!!!
Mine was S6..But I got inside S7….
Within 5 minutes, the train started moving again…
People had started sleeping inside the train and there was only a dim light in the compartment…
I stood near the door…I could still see her, lying on the middle birth…She started sleeping immediately and I stood there itself…watching her!!!
Time ran faster than the train…Morning light flashed in my eyes… I had slept for some time sitting on the door steps … I again checked whether she was still there or not…
She was still sleeping…
I checked the time…It was 6:45 AM…Morning breeze had a chill… I saw the red sun at the Horizon… there was a light fog in the air…The land was green…Beautiful!!!
I checked for her again…She had woken up.
She was arranging her hair with a comb…She was looking like an angel in that red light…Gentle breeze was disturbing her hair…Life is indeed beautiful…My doctor was right!!!
Time passed…The train reached the Bangalore station.
She got down there…I also got down.
She started walking towards the bus station and I followed her.
Bus number 335…That is the bus I should get in…It comes in platform number 17, but I went to platform number 8 , because she went there.
One Red Volvo bus came and I saw her, getting inside the bus....I didn't know what the bus number was!!!
Just when she was about to enter in to the bus….I saw a lean guy standing near to her unzipping her vanity bag and taking her wallet out of it… Happened in a fraction of a second!!!
She dint know about it and got inside the bus…. I stood there like a statue!!!
I was totally blank…I did not know what to do. I saw that guy slipping away from the crowd and keeping that wallet inside some remote “under ground “ storage inside his shirt!!!
Purely out of instinct, I started following him… I was sure that he did not see me watching the whole drama. Here I was chasing a robber in the heavy traffic streets of Bangalore!!!
He was very swift…He was not running, but was walking in a very brisk pace. I don’t know why, but I started thinking about one of the athletic items in Olympics. Marathon Walking!!!
At last he stopped in front of a small fruit shop. I just walked towards the shop, just like any other pedestrian; and stood in front of the shop, checking the fruits!!!
“One Kings…” His sound was very feeble and he was breathing like a dog. The shopkeeper took a cigarette from somewhere and gave it to that guy. The shop keeper looked at me and his looks were expecting me to say something….
“One Banana”.. I told out of nowhere…Good going detective…keep it up!!!
I had no plans in my mind…how to get back that wallet?, but it was high time that I started planning for that.
That guy started smoking and I saw him enjoying his smoke…He must be satisfied of today's work!!!
The shopkeeper plucked a banana out from the bunch and gave it to me… I peeled it and was about to take the first bite!!! Something was pulling my pants and I suddenly got scared. Bangalore was very notorious for stray dogs and I suddenly picturized myself in a hospital bed with countless injections around my naval for a stray dog bite!!!
I screamed and shuffled…to see a small girl pulling on my pants with her hands outstretched…She was looking intensely on my banana and carelessly saying….”Please give me something to eat.. I am very hungry!!!
I looked in to her eyes…Her left eye was sore and tears had formed scales on her cheek…I just gave that banana to her…She smiled like an angel…which I felt was the most beautiful thing in this whole world!!!

“YOU..PUBLIC SMOKER” That was a rough hard sound and it pierced in to my head… I turned around to see the pick-pocket standing there frozen, with a hand holding his shirt’s color!!!

A police had caught him for public smoking… It could not be even better. My plans suddenly started to materialize inside my brain!!!
The police man looked at me and stared at my hand to make sure that, I was not giving him company for public smoking.
“Public smoking is a big offence beta… and you will have to pay a fine of Rs.500 for it…” the policeman roared in to that lean guy’s ears…he was trembling in the police man’s hands. I was just praying that the cop will soon find that wallet from him!!!
“What’s your name …..?” The cop asked.
“Shamir……” the pick-pocket told!!!
“Working or studying…..?”
“Studying….”
“Where…..?”
“J D B engineering College….TilakNagar”
I could not believe my ears…that was my college!!!
“Show me your ID card….” The cop became more furious and he ordered!!!
He took his ID card from the back pocket of his pant!!!
“First Semester…B.Tech…Electronics Dept” Cop read out loudly, so that the whole street could hear it… I just stood there numb!!! He was in my same class!!! I had never seen him…Not a surprise… I hardly knew 4 or 5 students from my class and none of them were my friends.. I mean, I did not have any friends!!! But how come this guy never recognized me? No Surprise again…I was never famous in the class!!!
The cop frisked the guy suddenly and he felt the wallet, my girl’s wallet, in that same remote “under ground storage” of his shirt’s pocket…In a second he took it out!!!
It was a pink wallet and was too obvious that it was not his!!!
“Whose is this…?” the cop raised his pitch and asked…
He dint answer and kept silent…I wanted to answer, because I knew the answer!!!
Suddenly, I thought about the buzzer round of quiz competitions which used to happen in T.V…How stupid!!!
“TAAAAPPPP”… One Powerful slap on Shamir’s face by the cop!!! That sound bought me back from the television quiz program to the real world…Blood started coming out of his nose and his eyes turned red!!!
I just kept a step back!!!
“You flicked it from somewhere….?” The cop shouted at him.
He opened the wallet…took all the cash inside it and started counting it.. I counted along with him. One Thousand three hundred and forty rupees only!!!
The cop took the cash and kept in his shirt pocket and threw the wallet on the road. One more tight slap on Shamir’s face and said-“ Never ever do public smoking….”.
The cop turned around and started walking!!!
Shamir sat down there on the floor with his hands covering his face…A liquid which was a combination of tears and blood was flowing out between his fingers…
Then suddenly I saw that little beggar girl running towards that wallet to pick it from the road….
She took the wallet in her hands and stood there on the road for another two more seconds…Suddenly a car which took an immediate turn came straight towards that girl…the girl saw the car and tried to run out of the road…The driver took a sharp steering towards left and pushed the brakes…, but in the very last moment, the car hit the girl and she was on the ground!!!
The car stopped!!! What was happening….????? I was feeling sick……!!!!
I ran towards the little girl and took her on my hands…She was unconscious!!! Her face was covered with blood and I could not exactly find where it was wounded!!! I made a crying sound deep down from my stomach which was very awkward and loud!!!
I put her on my shoulders and ran towards the car…I opened the rear door sat inside the car in a second…
The car started moving and I saw Shamir staring at me….

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Here I was…inside a car moving in the pace of an ambulance, with a stranger, a sweet little girl, on my lap struggling for her life…
Almost 48 hours back, I was in a same state as of this little girl….
I had tried to commit suicide…out of Depression!!!
I had cut my wrist veins…Just a scratch on my left wrist by a shaving blade….
I was lying on my Mother’s lap and my father was driving the car…My mother was weeping all the way to the hospital and I was staring at the head lights coming from the opposite side…It was like magic!!!
I looked at the little girl’s face…Her hands still had my girl’s wallet.. I took the wallet in my hands and held close to my chest….
Since childhood, for the first time in my life, I felt like crying…Tears started rolling down on my cheeks…
For first time in my life, I felt the happiness of being alive!!!
“Life is very beautiful….Enjoy it….” My doctor had told many a times before, and for the first time in my life, I felt respect for him!!!
The last 48 hours of my life rolled in front of my eyes like a slide show….
That day I had seen a Sunrise and felt its Beauty for the first time…That day I saw a little girl smiling and felt its beauty for the first time…That day I was holding a Girl’s wallet near to my heart and enjoying its beauty for the first time…Indeed Life is beautiful. All it matters is…How you see your life!!!
I had to live more…At least for another day, because I now had a lot of questions in my life to be answered…
1. What will happen to this little girl?
2. Why was Shamir a Pick-Pocket…May be he is a “Deppressionist”?
3. Who is that cop and why was he so… unfair?
….and most importantly….
4. Will be there an address card of my dream girl inside this wallet?
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