WHITE SHADOWS

What helps a man gain enough courage to kill someone?

Location: RT Office, Bangalore
Time: 3.30 PM

Officer Vinayak Kuduva was about to leave his office, even though the “official” office time was up to 5 P.M. Phone rang at the direct number on his desk.
He hesitated for a moment and after a few rings, he answered the call. Last work for the day, he thought.
“Hello, R.T Officer here” he said in his rough voice.
“Hello…” and pale male voice replied from the other side of the phone. “You listen carefully to what I am going to say.”
“Who is this? Whom do you want to talk?” interrupted and shouted Vinayak.
After a small pause the voice from the other side said –“Keep your sound low Mr.Vinayak Kuduva. You understand that this is a warning call for you. Now listen carefully. Someone has decided to kill you and he will kill you for sure with in 24 hours. You are going to be dead in next 24 hours.”
“Who is this? And what do you want?” A sudden pain went through Vianayak’s heart.
And his brain stopped working. He didn’t know what exactly to do.
There was a small pause from the other side and the voice continued. “You stop getting tensed Mr.Vinayak. I just want to help you and I don’t want to tell you who I am. Only one thing can help you now. Under the 2 wheeler’s file section for Indiranagar, among the applications for NOC, there will be an application for a bike with number KA-03-EY-4616. Check the second sheet attached to that application. It was filed today and it will help you.”
“What? Wait…tell me the details once more” blabbered Vinayak while taking his pen to note it down.
“Bike. Indiranagar. NOC.KA-03-EY-4616. Thank you” and with that the line got disconnected.
A heavy pain developed inside the stomach of Vinayak and he started to sweat. He was on his foot towards the NOC section.
“Bike. Indiranagar. KA-03-EY-4616. I need that application now” Shouted Vinayak to his clerk.
Clerk found it very odd and was surprised to see him asking for an application at this time of the day. He searched for the file immediately.
“It was filed today …” helped Vinayak in between
“Yes sir. Got it” said the clerk and handed over the application to Vinayak within a minute.
Vinayak got the application in his hand, and he found a sheet of second white paper attached to the form.
He read the first line in that page– “What helps a man gain enough courage to kill someone?”
He folded the application form looked around and walked back to his cabin.
After drinking a glass of water he took the application form again. The front page was normal and it was an application form for a bike for No Objection Certificate. The second sheet was an attachment, which should have easily gone unnoticed by the careless clerk.

He started reading it.

What helps a man gain enough courage to kill someone?

I can’t tell you exactly. But, I have decided to kill you. And you will be dead with in 24 hours from now, that’s for sure. Now, here is the game. You have done a very serious mistake to me in your life. May be it’s a very silly thing for you. But, it has done very badly to my life. You may not even remember you did this. Think about it and try to identify me from your memory. This is all what I want you to do. Find me and apologize to me for the mistake you have done. Do it with in 24 hours. I will make sure that, in the next 24 hours, I will come in front of you in your otherwise-normal life only once. At that point, whenever you see me, just get up and look in to my eyes and say three words- “I am Sorry”.
That’s it. Find me, say a Sorry and You will be spared, or else you are dead!!!
Now call to this number: 080- 2443589

Before he could think anything more he started dialling the number from his phone. The other side answered.

“Hello….?” Vinayak said to the silence.
“Now it’s not funny any more? Isn’t it?” said the same pale male voice.
“Its you again. I remember your sound” said horrified Vinayak.
“Yes. It’s me and this game is only between you and me. This phone is from a public telephone booth. So stop thinking about the police now. You understand?”
“Yes. But see I am really sorry if I have ever done any mistake to you…”
“Stop it! You should know the mistake you have made and you should know to whom you are apologising. As I said, see you in next 24 hours and you will get only one chance. Make sure you don’t change your routine tomorrow. Let it be the same day as usual. Identify me and say those 3 words. Your time starts now!!!”
And with that the line again got disconnected.

Vinayak Kuduva stood there in that room all alone, with his black shadow behind him. His heart was aching and it was aching very badly. For the first time in his life he was all alone in that room.
He was terrified to hear a knock on his door. The clerk from NOC section came inside the room.
“Is everything OK sir?” asked the clerk to his superior.
“Yeah…everything is fine. Just get me a tea.” Vinayak tried to hide his heart and to control his breathe but he could not.
“Yes sir…sure I will get it for you” said the clerk and he was about to leave the room.
“Hey you wait” said Vinayak and stopped his clerk.
He moved slowly towards his clerk and looked straight in to his eyes. With all his courage and forgetting all his ego, he held the clerk’s shoulders and said –“I am Sorry!!!”
The Clerk just had the shock of his life and he almost fainted for it. But he regained the control of the situation and said –“It’s OK sir. You always shout at us and we are used to it. Everything is fine. It’s OK”
“No it can’t be you. No it can’t be you” muttered Vinayak and gestured his clerk to leave the room.

He sat on his chair. He started thinking!

Everyday, in your life, in between that whole struggle to collect your bread and butter, you never know what all things you do. There are people out there, along with you, your fellow beings, who try to make a life. All those strangers you come across in your life are in a rat race along with you, to live and survive. In that chaos called life, some of your deeds hurt other people. It may be so insignificant for you but for the other at the receiving end, it may even cost his or her life. And isn’t it weird that one among them, whom you don’t know, whom you haven’t thought of, whom you even would not have noticed at all, is your enemy right now. And he wants to kill you now for some serious mistake you have done. And he is watching you always like a white shadow from behind you!!!

“He said I have done a mistake” thought Vinayak, “But what mistake and how to find it?”
Vinayak then thought –“I would have done many bad things, but which among them was this particular mistake?”
Someone rushed inside the room without knocking the door and Vinayak was on his foot. “Sir. Chaai” said the tea boy and kept the glass of tea on his table.
Vianayak’s heart stopped for a second. The tea boy waited for the money as Vinayak collected some coins from his draw.
Then Vinayak stopped and stared back at the tea boy.
“What is your name boy?” asked Vinayak to him.
“Mujeeb, Sir” said the boy.
After a long pause Vinayak asked him- “See Mujeeb, I just want to know one thing from you. Have I done anything to you, which have hurt you in anyway, anytime?”
“Why sir?” Mujeeb scratched his head and smiled back.
“No. Just tell me. Is there anything like that?”
Mujeeb grinned awkwardly and asked –“The other sir said anything to you? Just leave it. That was that day”
Vinayak felt a pain in his heart. He never thought that he had even hurt someone like Mujeeb, a tea boy!!!
Vinayak took a 50 rupee note from his pocket and gave it to Mujeeb.
“I don’t have change” said Mujeeb
“No. You keep it. But, you tell me now, what is the thing that have hurt you?” asked Vinayak
“It’s nothing sir. Some four or five months back, you got a house fly from my tea and you scolded me, and you scolded my father and called my father a shit eating pig. My father is dead and I don’t like anybody scolding my father for the wrong things I do. I did not like it that day and I said it to the other sir... I am sorry sir”
“No…No. I am sorry Mujeeb, if I have said so”
“Yes sir. You said so. And I was very angry on you that day”
“Sorry Mujeeb, and why didn’t you tell me that day itself?”
“Why would I sir? I am just a tea boy and you are an officer here. I actually wanted to shout back at you that day, but now I am feeling good. I am sorry sir for telling all this now”
“It’s Ok Mujeeb…you can keep that cash. Thank you” said Vinayak as Mujeeb left the room.
Then Vinayak was again all alone in that room.



People, when they are hurt, keep it in their mind. For their entire life they won’t forget it. There is this wounded white shadow behind you, which always haunt you from the past. And one day, it will appear in front of you demanding you to say-“I am Sorry for what I have done”


That night Vinayak did not sleep. He was thinking about what Mujeeb said. He then tried to remember that incident when he got that house fly from the tea and when he scolded Mujeeb and his father. But, he never could recollect it from his memory. And what frightened him was that, Mujeeb still remembers it and he had hatred towards Vinayak which he had kept in his heart for the last five months. And Vinayak was scared thinking about all those hearts that will be still having hatred towards him, the thirst unquenched!
All Those White shadows!!!
Time was 2 A.M in the night. Vinayak got up from his bed took a paper and started to make a list. The List of all people whom he used to meet in his daily life.

1. My Wife, Veena.
2. Servants, Leela and Swaroop
3. Milkman and newspaper boy
4. Shop keeper, Vincent
5. Driver, Muthu
6. People whom I meet on the traffic
7. My office staffs – about 30 people
8. The hotel owner, Salim
9. Tea boy, Mujeeb
10. Hundreds of strangers who come to the RT Office daily.
11. Agents and brokers

The list began to grow and Vinayak stopped it. That one person could be anyone among these. And, that one mistake could be to anyone of them.
“If Mujeeb considered me as his enemy, then each one of them in this list, at some point of the other would have some hatred towards me. I was a rude man in my life. I was never approachable. I was a corrupt R.T officer. I got bribes for my work. I would be killed tomorrow for that one mistake. Oh God, I am sorry. Please forgive me” Vinayak prayed silently in his heart.
And after a long time in his life, He cried. He cried for a long time and then at some point he fell asleep.

But Vinayak was not the only person who had a troublesome night…

**************************************************

The White Shadow’s Story

Time: 3 A.M

My name is Abdul Asif. I was not able to sleep, because tomorrow, I had to kill RT Officer, Vinayak Kuduva.
I live in a very small rented house at BTM. My wife Naziya and my daughter Mumtaz are sleeping in the only bedroom we have. They say that, I was never a good husband to my wife and never a good father to my daughter. I tried to be, but I never could be!

I won’t forget that day, the day everything started to change! I work at the Salim’s hotel as a waiter. Vinayak Kuduva was a regular customer at our hotel for lunch. That day, when he came to have lunch at the Salim’s, we had a lot of crowd at the hotel. I was almost running from kitchen to tables and was making sure that everything was served fine. He waved and called me aloud to his table –“Waiter”. I went and stayed near his table for the order. Suddenly, he took his glass of water and tossed the water on my face!!!
“I am waiting for more than 15 minutes here and nobody is here to serve me” screamed Vinayak and the complete hotel listened to it in silence.

Have you ever felt the same? People show all their frustration, arrogance and dominance towards the waiters at restaurants. They shout for every silly reason they could find and they put the blame on waiters. They shout on us for the quality of food, the time we wasted, the amount of rice, the extra-salt, the less masala, the table arrangement and any other reason they could find. They consider waiters as servants or mere slaves during that precious time when they order their favourite food in the restaurant. They dine, they drink and they give the last few coins from their pocket to us as tip!!!

I stayed there shattered, with water dropping down from my face. For a moment I felt that it was my blood all over my face. They all were happy to see a waiter getting insulted in public and somebody was laughing at me. Vinayak got up and walked towards the counter and talked something to Salim, the hotel owner. The next day I lost my job!
And it all happened as if it all happened in 1 or 2 seconds.
1. I lost my job and I did not get that month’s salary.
2. I screamed at Naziya and Mumtaz at home
3. Mumtaz yelled at me for the first time in my life.
4. I sat at home tired and frustrated, doing nothing at least for 2 months!
5. Some people started to say that I was behaving different for the last few weeks.
6. Mumtaz came and asked for college fees and I had nothing to give to her.
7. Naziya asked me to consult a psychologist for no reason.
8. Mumtaz was asked to leave the classroom for not paying the fees.
9. Naziya came and told me that, our daughter has found some other means to make money for the family. Naziya cried for some time looking at me for no reason.
10. Then, one fine day, Naziya came and told me that our unmarried daughter was pregnant!

Like a palace of cards, my life broke down in no time. But, Vinayak continued to have his own happy life without even knowing what happened to me and my family.
When you kill an ant, you never think what all happens back out there at its family. Do you?

Respect!!! When others stop respecting you, you will try to console yourself and try to regain it. But, once you lose the self respect, you lose yourself.
But, it was then I gained enough courage to kill someone.

I don’t remember when I slept, but when I got up it was 11 in the morning.
I walked to the Salim’s hotel and waited for Vinayak to come. That was a long wait…
Then I saw him, at around 1.30 PM, he came out from the old government building just opposite to the hotel. His face was pale and he was walking awkwardly. I stayed outside the hotel and watched him go inside. While going inside he stopped at the cash counter and looked at Salim and greeted him. Salim greeted him back. I heard him say sorry to Salim and I did not feel it was funny. When I looked inside the hotel, I saw him taking a paper from his pocket and checking it. He was marking something in that paper while he waited for his food to be served.

Vinayak started eating his regular order. He was the only person sitting in that table and I realised that it was the time. I went inside the hotel and Salim saw me and greeted me. I went and sat on the same table opposite to Vinayak. When the waiter came I ordered a chicken Biriyani for myself. Then Vinayak saw me. My heart started beating at a different pace. For no reason I started praying to God. But I dint knew what to pray exactly. I waited and dropped my head down. But, I could clearly see Vinayak staring at me with a confused look. After a long time, Vinayak cleared his throat and asked to me – “Have we met somewhere else before?”
I acted as if I was not expecting this question and looked back at Vianayak’s face.
Then I said- “No. I don’t think so”.

***********************************************

And after a long time in his life, Vinayak Kuduva cried. He cried for a long time and then at some point he fell asleep.
When he got up his heart was heavy. Today was his last day!!!
He waited for the milk man and the news paper boy to come. When they came he greeted them, paid Rs.500 to each of them, and before they left he made sure that, he looked deep in to their eyes and said “I am sorry” to them. As per his routine, when he was reading the newspaper, his wife Veena brought his morning tea. He looked at her eyes and said sorry. When servants Swaroop and Leela came inside the house, he stood up and said sorry to them too. They both ran inside to kitchen!!!
Driver Muthu came at 10 A.M and Vinayak hugged him for the first time in his life and said sorry. On the way to office, he asked Muthu to stop the car at the Vincent’s shop. He got down and went inside the shop and said sorry to Vincent. Vincent was happy that they were not enemies hereafter and gave a box of chocolates to Vinayak. Vinayak opened the chocolate box and gave the first chocolate to Vincent himself.
Vinayak reached office at 10.30 A.M. He asked the clerk to tell everybody in the office to come and get chocolate one by one from his cabin. Everybody was shocked to hear this announcement and some even thought that Vinayak got a promotion transfer. First, clerk at the customer office section went inside the cabin. Vinayak asked him to sit and take the chocolate
“We will have a 5 minutes talk…” said Vinayak
Clerk felt it very odd and still managed to say –“sure sir”
“So how is everything going in the office”
“Everything is …. Fine ..sir. Sir, Everything OK?”
“I am sorry If I have done anything wrong” said Vinayak immediately.

The clerk from the customer office section came crying out from the cabin.
Vinayak met all his 33 staffs in person and said sorry to them. In between he did his work at the office and made sure that many of the old pending applications are cleared immediately to the customers. He said sorry to all the customers who came inside his cabin. Customers felt happy and showed a lot of respect towards the smart and efficient RT Officer. Agents and brokers felt something fishy in the sudden behaviour change of their otherwise-normal RTO. Still Vinayak, made it a point that he said sorry to whomever he met at the office.

At 1.30, when he felt hungry he came out of the cabin and started walking towards the Salim’s hotel. On the way inside the hotel, he stopped and greeted Salim. Salim greeted him back. Vinayak said sorry to Salim and Salim stayed dumbstruck there for few minutes.
Vinayak took his list from the pocket. He had covered every single person in that list and said sorry to all, the last one being Salim. He ticked against each one of them and waited for his food to be served.
Vinayak started eating his regular order and then he noticed a person come and sitting opposite to him in the same table. The other person ordered chicken Biriyani. Vinayak initially felt that he was a complete stranger. But he stared at the stranger and tried to recollect whether he had met this person anywhere anytime before. Vinayak wanted to say a sorry to this person also, but something inside him stopped doing so.
Instead he asked to the stranger –“Have we met somewhere else before?
The stranger re examined Vinayak and said-“No. I don’t think so”
Stranger started eating his Biriyani and Vinayak did not want to disturb him again. So he finished his food, paid the bill and tip for the waiter and went back to office. Vinayak waited in his office for the day to get over, but he never knew that the day was so long!!!

**********************************

The White Shadow’s Story ( Cont…)

Vinayak cleared his throat and asked to me – “Have we met somewhere else before?”
I acted as if I was not expecting this question and looked back at Vianayak’s face.
Then I said- “No. I don’t think so”
A new waiter served me Biriyani and I started eating it. Vinayak did not speak to me after that, and when he completed his food he paid the bill and left. I noticed that he paid Rs.10 extra for the new waiter as a tip. He has never given me!!!
I have given him the chance and he failed!!!

I just wanted him to say a sorry to me. I really hoped and prayed to Good Almighty God that, he recognize me and feel sorry for what he had done to me that day. That day my life was ruined and I wanted him to realize it!!!
I paid my bill and walked back to my house.
Yesterday morning, I had gone to RTO office and had filed for a fake NOC. I had kept the additional sheet along with it, which the clerk never noticed. I knew that unless I keep a hundred rupee note on top of the application form, your application will go unnoticed through the government clerk. Evening, I went to Shivajinagar old market, and got a small unlicensed revolver and bullets from a local vendor.
I am now walking back to my house to get that gun. Yes, the gun with which I will be killing my enemy, Vinayak kuduva!!!
I reached back at my home and went to the bedroom and opened the draw to get the revolver. But it was not there!
“You will not find it there”- I was shocked to hear that sound from behind. I turned around to see my wife Naziya standing at the door holding the revolver aimed at me.
“I knew you will come to kill us. I knew this would happen…and I saw you hiding the revolver and keeping it in the draw yesterday. I was always behind you like your shadow for the last 20 years. How did you think that, I will miss noticing this?”
“Naziya, it is not what you think. Let me explain…” I said and I started walking towards her.
I heard a big blast of sound, before I realised that she had fired a gunshot on me. A needle pricking pain developed in my chest and I fell on the ground. I felt the smell of blood and warmth on my body. The next moment, I felt cold!!! Then I realised that I was dying!!!
And more, I realised that, I too had a white shadow behind me which went unnoticed!!!

*********************************************

That night Vinayak had a sound sleep. The next morning he got up, he felt so much happy for being alive. He concluded that he had said sorry to his enemy and his enemy has forgiven him for that matter. He was going to be a better man in his life!
He was reading the newspaper when his wife Veena brought him the morning tea.
The newspaper had covered the murder story of a local guy, Abdul Asif at BTM by his own wife Naziya. He read the news and felt sorry for the family.
But he never realised that, it was his white shadow’s murder story!!!

People, when they are hurt, keep it in their mind. For their entire life they won’t forget it. There is this wounded white shadow behind you, which always haunt you from the past. And one day, it will appear in front of you demanding you to say-“I am Sorry for what I have done”